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Civility
What is civility? Civility is consciously motivated, interactive behavior that is simultaneously conscious of self, others, and community. It contains an ethical consciousness of other people as precious and sacred beings. Civility has nothing to do with conflict-avoiding pretense, mere politeness, and not making waves when waves are called for. Civility involves a commitment to surfacing significant issues in organizations and social life and challenging unrealistic and detrimental social norms to encourage their conscious and creative resolution. Civility recognizes the importance of diversity and the value of all contributions and works to maintain the dignity and rights of every individual. Civility has no tolerance for bias, intolerance, discrimination, harassment or violence since these are attitudes and actions of domination, which limit or eliminate choices, destroy individual value and greatly hinder organizational and social effectiveness. To Act With Incivility Is To Act With: Insult, Harassment, Prejudice, Bias, Inequity, Stereotyping, Discrimination, Hatred, Passive Aggression, Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence, Violence. "Attention must be given to the fact that careless or deliberately offensive words or acts can be deeply wounding." "If communication does not go beyond the formality of words and yield a deeper understanding of who people really are, prejudice persists. Prejudice fosters intolerance and violence."--The Carnegie Foundation It is the responsibility of each person on campus Date
Rape, Acquaintance Rape
Date rape happens when one person, a date or social acquaintance, forces sexual activities on another person that the other person doesn't want. According to Minnesota State Law, force can be physical, verbal, or implied. While physical force is most often used against women, coercion and intimidation are used against both men and women. Both men and women can be victims of date rape. Date rape can occur between same sex partners. The majority of rape victims are women. Why People Rape Some rapists are sadistic, they want to mutilate, hurt or kill their victims. These are the ones we usually hear of through the media and they account for a small portion of rapes. Some people are angry; they choose to express their anger by hurting other people. They use sex to humiliate and strike out at their victims. Still others who rape feel the need to control others. They use sex to demonstrate their dominance over the other person. Most date rapes occur in this category. When one partner doesn't consent to have sex, and the other partner forces it against their will, this is sexual assault. It is against the law. Stay
Sober!
Nearly all gang rapes involve the use of alcohol. Alcohol acts to ease inhibitions, adversely affects judgment and slows down reaction. Men are more likely to attempt rape and women are more vulnerable to date rape as a function of alcohol. Your intoxicated perception may be that you are seducing a willing partner when in fact you are forcing someone to have sex with you against their will. Being drunk is no legal defense against committing rape. Give someone SOBER thought to your decision about alcohol before you become a statistic as a perpetrator or a victim of rape. Rape is about
Power and Control
Many women learn to be passive, polite, submissive and sexually reserved which makes women the most likely and most frequent victims of rape. Many men on the other hand, learn to be sexually dominant, competitive, knowledgeable and adventurous, making men most often at risk of being perpetrators of rape. Challenging these learned patterns and recognizing the inherent dangers in them are important features of rape prevention. Both women and men can learn to be assertive, active, knowledgeable, responsible, civil and equal partners in this human family. Safe
Relationships * Energize and enhance each person's self-image. Responsible
People * Allow themselves to be vulnerable as well as competent. * Stay emotionally connected without trying to change the other person. * Talk freely about what they care about. * Have a strong and positive self-image. Qualities
of A Safe Relationship Balance and Mutuality - shared power, shared resources, equal involvement in the relationship activities and processes. Acceptance and Humility - a recognition that each person is their own best expert about themselves. An ability to support each other non-judgmentally. Personal Responsibility - knowing that we ourselves are responsible for all our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors and beliefs. They originate within us and are not caused by the people or events that may trigger them. Civility - recognizing the precious quality in both oneself and others and approaching all interactions with them from a perspective of deep courtesy and a willingness to be honest about both yourself and about your perceptions of them. Healthy
Sexuality * Is not motivated by needs of reassurance; to prove your love, your femininity, or your masculinity, or to gain relief from non-sexual tensions. * Is discriminating in choice of partner. * Has no secrets or jealousy. * Is an expression of current feelings and not an attempt to improve or keep a poor relationship. * Allows clear discussion of contraception, and prevention of STD's and AIDS and clear agreement of what will happen if pregnancy occurs, because no contraception is 100% effective. * Has NO implications of manipulation, obligation or subtle pressure from either partner, rather is freely and mutually chosen. Responsible
Sexuality * Listen to and respect to your partner's sexual limits and do not assume what their desires are. Each encounter is new and previous consent does not apply. * Pay attention to both your verbal and non-verbal communication - be clear. * Stop and ask when you are receiving unclear or mixed signals from your partner. * Stop when you hear your partner say "No" or you sense non-verbal resistance. "NO" always means "NO". * Resist the urge to talk your partner into giving in to sexual activities - to do so could become an assault. * Resist peer and social pressure. Don't have sex to "score". Resist pressure to engage in activities you don't feel comfortable with. Know that you are not obligated to be sexual with anyone for any reason. * Pay attention to your surroundings. Communicate
Clearly Take ownership of your statements, Use "I" messages. "I want to...", "I don't want to...", "I like...", "I don't like..." Be specific and honest about what you want to say. Don't soften assertive communication with apologies - they can give a double message. When communicating about personal limits, you don't need to explain or justify, just be respectful and clear. Speak clearly, listen carefully. People sometimes have difficulty saying "NO" to pressure for sexual activity for a variety of reasons. Fear of hurting another's feelings Fear of ridicule Fear of not being liked Fear of violence Self-doubt Ambivalence Saying Yes when you want to say NO can lead to: Feeling used Feeling de-valued Loss of pleasure Feeling trapped Confusion Know What You Mean and Say It
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