Welcome to the Responsible Men Responsible Women Workbook Guide for the New Student program. We hope you enjoy the process, learn some new information about your own safety, validate what you already know, and become motivated to promote a greater level of safety and civility on our campus. Why Bother? The Driving Analogy You may be asking yourself. “Why do we have to talk about violence? It doesn’t happen to everyone. Most people aren’t violent. Most of us use our ‘common sense’ when dealing with each other. We try to be respectful of other people’s personal space and property. Most of us do the best we can to understand what others are communicating to us. So why is it required to attend a training session about something the majority of us would never even consider doing? Switch gears (pun intended) and consider an analogy. Think for a minute about driving laws: which side of the street to drive on, the meanings of various lights and signs, and all the laws dealing with driving a motor vehicle. Now ask yourself how often you actually follow every single one of those rules, signs and laws. Naturally, most of us do most of the time…but there are times we don’t always obey the law. Do you know anyone who has ever driven faster than the speed limit, forgotten to signal a turn, or not come to a complete stop at a stop sign? None of these people were following the rules for safe driving according to law. Whether they intended it or not, they all broke the law. Yet most of them didn’t get in an accident, even though an accident was more likely. Why? One of the reasons is that the other drivers knew what to look for; they knew when a signal was missing or when an unusual swerve signaled caution. They could react to protect themselves and avoid the accident. Quite simply, driving laws create common norms and standards that we all use so we know what to expect of other drivers and what they can expect from us. It also explains how we are expected to react if something goes wrong, hopefully preventing accidents, injuries, and death as much as possible. That’s the same reason we can benefit from learning about violence and harassment; to inform us what the rules are, what we can expect, and how to notice if something isn’t as it should be. Like driving, with violence and harassment, there are some clearly defined laws: some standard ‘stop signs’, ‘traffic lights’ and ‘road markings’. Just as any driver coming down the road could pose a potential danger if they get distracted, turn in front of you or suddenly slam on the brakes, most of the time that doesn’t happen. The same is true of human interactions. People we encounter (known or not) could pose a danger for us if they violate our personal boundaries to a great degree – as in sexual assault or theft. But often they give us clues beforehand. Some of these clues include: * Getting too personal too fast * Crossing into your personal space without permission * Angering easily and unpredictably * Being highly critical and derogatorily putting people down * Having a strong need to dominate situations * Not listening or caring about the limits of others * Actively using or abusing alcohol or other drugs While people who behave in these ways may not be violent or commit a crime, you are likely to find that they violate your boundaries. They may borrow things they don’t return or borrow things without asking and be affronted if you tell them you don’t like that. They are more likely to invite themselves in without asking or to involve or engage in sexual aggression than people without those traits. They are more likely to use verbally abusive language in their intimate relationships. If we avoid or are cautious around people who exhibit these behaviors, we can increase our chances for safety. In your booklet Sexual Violence and Privacy Violations on page 16 you will see our definition of Violations of Privacy. Please read through it. Exercise #1: Violations of Privacy In your workbook on page 2 is a list of various “Violations of Privacy.” Please order these violations as you see them from most serious (#1), to least serious (#11), in the way that they would affect the health and well being of a person violated in that way. Exercise #2: Impact of Violation In your workbook turn to page 3 headed “The Effects: Who it Hurts, How it Hurts.” In this exercise identify the impact privacy violations could have on 1) the life of a student violated, 2) the functioning of an institution, 3) the life of a student found responsible for a violation. Write your answers legibly in the spaces provided. The Importance of Communication These invasive behaviors can have a varied and serious impact on a person’s life, on the functioning of an institution, and on the life of the offending person. How we communicate about entry into the private sphere of another is quite important. How we ask to use someone else’s property, how we communicate that we want to be physically close, how to communicate clearly what the limits of our own personal privacy are. The Continuum of Communication and Behavior When we seek to enter into the sphere of privacy of another person, such as inviting someone to engage in a form of sexual activity, and when we agree to what the other person is proposing, it is wise to have a clear and mutual understanding of what we are inviting someone into and what they think they are agreeing to, as well as understanding what we are being invited into and what we think we are agreeing to. We communicate in many ways, most of them non- verbal. Whenever we rely on our interpretations of non-verbal or implied verbal communication, we are setting the stage for misunderstanding. In the realm of sexual activity this is an especially risky thing. It is risky in two ways. One, we risk being sexually violated if our communication is ignored or misunderstood. Two, we risk violating someone’s sexual privacy if we have exerted more influence than we thought or have not listened well to understand our partner. In all ways that we seek to enter into another’s private sphere, we need to be clear about what consent, refusal, invitation/request and coercion look like. This is a private vulnerable part of who we are, and it is especially painful if our choice to consent is limited or removed. Lawrence Tucker in a publication by The State Council of Higher Education for Virginia has diagramed a two dimensional map that illustrates ways people communicate when seeking to enter the personal privacy of another. An adaptation of this diagram is on the next page. The Bemidji State University Conduct Board uses a similar map as a guide when hearing a sexual assault complaint to determine if there was consent or refusal, invitation or coercion. This is also a good educational tool to help us enrich our romantic relationships with positive and clear understanding about sexual activity or other request to step into the privacy of a partner. Definitions of the various points on the map are included on pages 5-8 with exercises to complete following the definitions. Definitions: An Invitation or request clearly invites or asks permission of the other person. Implicit in this definition of invitation or request is the right of the other person to refuse without fear of negative or hurtful consequences. Coercion is to restrain or dominate by force. To bring about by force or threat. “Words or circumstances that cause [a person] to reasonably fear…bodily harm…confinement or…[forced] sexual penetration or contact. Proof of coercion does not require proof of a specific act or threat. (M.S. 609.341 subd. 14). To consent is to give voluntary uncoerced assent or approval to what is proposed by another. To give consent in this way implies that we are clearly informed of what is being proposed by the other and it is a current agreement to a current proposal. Consent for sexual activity gained through coercion is legally not considered consent in Minnesota. Refusal is an attempt to stop the escalation of an activity, to stop the activity altogether, or to restore safety. The Continuum of Influence - Invitation to Coercion Explicit Verbal Invitation or Request: A concise invitation or request to engage in a specific activity. It contains all the information a person needs to know to be able to make a decision about whether or not they want to participate in a specific activity. Examples: “Would you like to go to a movie and then out for coffee?” “Would you like to come to my place and watch TV?” “Can I borrow your car to go to the mall?” “Could we kiss?” Implied Verbal Invitation or Request: To convey or communicate, not by direct forthright means, but by allusion or reference likely to lead to a natural inference. Examples: “I have a meeting tonight in Park Rapids and I don’t have a ride. Do you know how I could get there?” The hope is that the other person will infer from this that you want them to provide you with a ride. “I don’t have a thing to wear to this event. You have such nice clothes.” “I have really enjoyed our dinner conversation and dancing. Why don’t we go back to my place and we can get to know each other even better.” “Do you suppose I could spend the night with you?” A Non-Verbal Invitation or Request: Inviting an activity in the context of a relationship and adjusting any further activity to the other person's response. Examples: Putting your arm around someone’s shoulder and waiting to see if you can leave it there or if it makes the person uncomfortable. Picking up someone’s car keys, jingling them while looking with a question in your eyes to see if the other person says yes or no to your inquiry. Initiating a kiss. Making eye contact at a social gathering and inviting a conversation through the expression in your eyes. Verbal or Sensual Persuasion: The use of flattery, 'sweet talk', flowers, gifts, music, dancing, affectionate caresses, massage, perfume, incense, candlelight, food, alcohol... with no clear message as to the ultimate meaning of these behaviors. They provide a context that is delightful but ambiguous in that it could be a clear and deliberate path to sex or simply a part of courting ritual. The context is important to make clear. Deception and Bribery: Giving somebody a “sales pitch” or making promises in exchange for something. “I’ll make sure you pass that test if you let me have your car this weekend.” Stating or implying that someone “owes” a favor because of an act already performed. “I took you to dinner and an expensive concert, I think you owe me a little sex.” Making promises with no intention of keeping them in order to obtain something. Quid Pro Quo bargaining for sexual favors in a work setting by a supervisor or boss is considered sexual harassment. “I could see that you get that promotion you’ve been seeking.” “If your job really means something to you, you will meet me at the bar after work tonight.” Threat and Intimidation: Threatening a negative consequence for non-compliance with a request. “I’ll see that you get kicked out of the organization if you don’t… I will be furious if you don’t...” Expressing anger, using verbal attacks, verbal abuse in any way that causes emotional pain. “Who do you think you are? You are nothing but a…” “You’ll be sorry if you don’t…” Physical intimidation: pounding fists, standing over someone, closing the door or blocking the door, throwing things. Physical Force: The use of physical aggression to force compliance with an activity. Grabbing, holding, twisting arms, restraining, laying on, pushing around... Injury and/or Use of Weapons: The use of extreme physical aggression to the point of injury and threat of death to force compliance with an activity. Punching, slapping, choking, beating, threatening with weapons, stabbing, shooting, threat of death for non-compliance. Continuum of Responses – Consent to Refusal Explicit Verbal Consent: Clearly stated consent to a specific activity. “Yes, you can borrow my car until 6:00.” “Yes I would enjoy going to your place to watch TV for two hours.” “Yes, I like it when you kiss me.” “Yes, you can unzip my pants.” “Yes, I would love to spend the night and make love with you”… Implied Verbal Consent: An indirect response to an invitation. “I guess so.” “I suppose.” “OK, I guess.” “That sounds good.” The exact activity being agreed to is not clearly stated but is determined more by the context of the situation. There is often ambiguity and room for misunderstanding, especially if this response follows an implied invitation. Non-Verbal Consent: A behavior that indicates approval of what has been suggested or initiated. Handing someone car keys. Actively going along with. Nodding. Reciprocating an already initiated activity – returning a kiss. Initiating a slight escalation of sexual activity – unbuttoning a partner’s shirt. Depending on the context, non-verbal communication can be much less clear than explicit verbal communications. Misunderstandings are likely to occur. Someone returning a kiss may be perfectly comfortable with a kiss but not ok with anyone else. Acquiescence: No consent, no refusal. Very little indication, if any, of agreement or disagreement. Being passive and quiet. A person might very passively respond to an activity with no indication of his or her own preference. Taking acquiescence for consent in the areas of privacy is not a very good idea because the initiator does not have consent. If you knock on someone’s door and ask to enter and they answer but don’t invite you in and don’t tell you to go away, you still aren’t invited in. If you seek sexual favors from someone and they do not reciprocate or offer consent in any way, you haven’t been invited in. This is not a safe person to be sexual with. Implied Verbal Refusal: An ambiguous statement indicating a reluctance to participate. “This doesn’t seem like the right time.” “I don’t feel comfortable with this.” “I’m not sure this is such a good idea.” “My roommate might be coming home any minute now.” An implied refusal such as this can lead to misunderstanding since it simultaneously seems to say, “But I’m not really sure.” This is a set up for the other person to try to help you make up your mind. In the area of sexuality, it is wise for the initiator to back off and get clarity rather than continue to persuade. Non-Verbal Refusal: Refusing to reciprocate an activity, stopping an activity, de-escalating an activity. Taking your keys away from the person jingling them in front of you with a non-verbal inquiry to borrow your car. Removing someone’s hand from a private part. Re-buttoning your clothes. Physically moving away from an encounter. Shaking your head. Turning away from a kiss. Shrugging off a hug. Explicit Verbal Refusal: Clearly saying "NO" to a specific activity. “No, you cannot borrow the car.” “No, you cannot take my shirt off.” “No, I will not have sex with you.” “No, I do not want you wearing my sweater.” “Take your hand off my…” Physical Resistance: Actively struggling to stop what is happening and get away, usually in response to a coercive behavior. Attempting to restore safety. Running away, leaving the room, calling for help. Fighting in Self-Defense: Actively punching, kicking, fighting to protect one's self. In the extreme would be justifiable homicide in response to a life threatening form of coercion or violence. The above definitions were adapted from the work of L.A. Tucker in Adjudicating Cases of Alleged Sexual Assault: A Judicial Training Manual published by the State Council of Higher Education for Virginia. Printed with permission of L.A. Tucker. Exercise #3: Consent – Refusal / Invitation – Coercion On pages 4 and 5 of your workbook, you have displays that say “Consent – Refusal” and “Invitation – Coercion”. Using the definitions from the preceding pages, please follow the instructions on each page. Exercise #4: Follow-up Questions On page 6 of your workbook, respond to the questions that relate to the communication continuum. Socialization and Power We have identified some of the various kinds of communication people use to ask for and try to get what they want from each other. There are many factors that influence how we communicate and how we interpret the communications of others. We have come to a point in our discussion where we will look at how our socialization impacts our interpretations of the non-verbal and implied communications of others. First we will explore a perspective regarding the dynamics of power and then apply this to the framework of friendship and intimate relationships. In ‘western’ culture, the most prevalent view of power has been one of control and dominance. Power has generally been defined as having a “position of ascendancy” and the “ability to wage war”. A position of ascendancy generally means having power over someone. Power is also defined as “delegated privilege, legal authority, or physical might”. (Webster’s Unabridged Third New International Dictionary) This system of power functions as a hierarchy that we often call the ‘ladder of success’ or ‘status’. We tend to view it as pyramid shaped with those at the top being fewer and having the most power and those at the bottom being many and having the least power. At each level of the pyramid, we at once have more power than someone and less power than someone. We all know how to step into a “dominant” role and a “subordinate” role. This has been called reciprocal pattern behavior. When either situation presents itself to us we automatically assume the pattern that is appropriate to that role although many tend to vie for the dominant role. Some of the ways we have tended to define relationships according to this hierarchy of power include: large-small, strong-weak, wealthy-poor, adult-child, upper class-lower class, employer-employee, majority-minority, doctor-patient, etc. It is typical of those in the dominant role to be the ones to make the rules and to determine ‘reality’ for all. Since the rules will tend to be determined by the desires, tendencies and convenience of the dominant party, that person or group is likely to see any different desires and tendencies of a subordinate person or group as a bother, inconvenient or troublesome. When in the dominant role, we tend to avoid knowing the reality of individuals who are subordinate. This avoidance can be deliberate and malicious, or unconscious denial simply because of the priority of one’s own reality. Depending on the situation, when we are in the subordinate role we may follow the rules of the other even when they are at odds with our own desires and values in order to avoid negative consequences. Because of these tendencies, when we step into a role that is imbued with state, greater strength or power over others it is important that we expend the energy to hear the reality of those we may have authority over. When stepping into a position which has less power than others it is important to speak clearly of and value our own needs, limits and ideas. Some of the most powerful forms of leadership come from recognizing, valuing and utilizing the reality of all members of a family, group or community. Exercise #5: Power Roles On page 7 of your workbook please respond to the questions on power roles. Abuse of Power and High Risk Situations Violence is the process of overpowering and injuring another person. It could be an example of deliberate and malicious dominance. Sometimes violence is an alternate used by a person who is desperate. Sometimes it is a choice by a person who simply believes it is their right to take from the less powerful for their own benefit. Sometimes it is a choice by a person who believes it is their right to take from the more powerful to create justice. Violence is most always about power. Sexual assault is an example of violence where force, coercion or intimidation is used to gain sexual favors. In many cases, sex is not the ultimate goal, it is the weapon used to injure and the ultimate goal is the dominant role or control. The same is true of deliberate and pattern harassment. The goal as well as the process is frequently to intimidate, to gain control, to be in control, or to get what is desired regardless of the other person’s wishes. Because these reciprocal pattern behaviors of dominance and subordinate weave throughout all of our interpersonal relationships in various configurations, it is important for us when considering the privacy of others to be clear in how we make our requests and how we indicate our consent. In sexual relationships for example, men have been rewarded for being persistent sexually, for being competitive, knowing what is best for others and taking the lead. Their socialization has taught them to be the initiators and pursuers in a dating or sexual situation. College men generally indicate that a woman must say “No” more than once for them to stop pushing. The number of refusals depends upon the force with which a woman says “No”, the consistency of her verbal and non-verbal messages and past socialization. Women on the other hand, are expected to be more sexually reserved. In heterosexual relationships, they are accustomed to having their refusal challenged and sometimes find themselves ambivalent when confronted with a persistent man and personal values that contradict each other. This ambivalence leads some women to present a mixed message verbally and non-verbally. This ambivalence has lead to a common belief that when a woman says, “No” in what ever way she says it, that it doesn’t really mean “No” but rather it means, “Maybe”. Current research reveals that only 35% of women say “No to sexual relations when they mean “Maybe”, while the majority of women are clearly saying “No” and meaning “No”. These forms of male and female socialization combined with the changing social roles in today’s society pose more of a set-up for men than women to engage, innocently or deliberately, in behavior that fits the definition of a sexual violation – and possibly be accused. For their own protection, men must respond to “no” or ambivalence by stopping and asking for clarity. This situation has always put women at more risk than men of experiencing sex against their will. To reduce the risk of sexual violation women can learn to communicate clearly and congruently both verbally and non-verbally when they mean “Yes” and when they mean “No”. When persistent partners hear a forceful and clear message they are more likely to respect it immediately. How we are socialized impacts how we perceive the world around us. Individuals all have different perceptions and expectations of each other in relationships. We filter our world through our experience and acquired knowledge. We form assumptions based on this combination of external and internal experience. We all have assumptions about dating, sexuality, relationships, commitment, etc. The problem with assumptions is that they are quite personal. Others don’t necessarily know what our expectations and assumptions are. When we can articulate and check out our expectations and assumptions, we can greatly increase the potential for understanding. Exercise #6: Social Roles, Assumptions, and Expectations This exercise is on page 8 of your workbook. There are no right or wrong responses to this exercise; its purpose is to increase your awareness of how you tend to interpret other’s actions. Write your responses to each of the questions in the spaces provided. Exercise #7: Case Study - Chris and Pat Chris and Pat are two students who've known each other for a month. They met in history class and have studied together several times since then. They discovered that they have several things in common: They each go to school as well as work part time. They both enjoy history, mountain biking, handball, and cookouts. Naturally, they don't have everything in common, though. Pat has some pretty liberal views about sex, seeking it out more for pleasure than involvement in any kind of committed relationship. Pat enjoys being an initiator of relationship and sexual encounters. Getting to know Chris has been fun for Pat, who finds the relationship stimulating both intellectually and sexually. Pat can't wait to realize some of this stimulation and to be sexually involved with Chris. Chris, however, prefers to know someone quite well before becoming sexually involved. Chris seeks a potential for a deepening relationship and has begun to really like Pat. Chris thinks Pat is very attractive and finds it enticing and stimulating when they are together. However, Chris doesn't know Pat well enough yet to be comfortable with sexual involvement beyond maybe kissing or cuddling... well, it isn't something Chris is prepared for. At least Chris isn't sure yet. Sex isn't something that Chris can morally treat casually. Chris and Pat have not discussed their sexual values with each other. On this particular evening they had gone to a party at a friend's house and are now relaxing back at Pat's place. They both had a very good time and enjoyed each others' company at the party. Since returning Pat has been actively attempting to seduce Chris in to having sex. Chris really would rather not and indicated this to Pat saying, "This doesn't feel like the right time, I don't know you well enough", and pushing Pat's hands away. Pat is very sensual and very convincing... and although Chris did say "No" a few times in the beginning, because of Pat's continued urging, and a fear of Pat's disappointment, Chris stops refusing and gives in to Pat's persistent seduction. Chris ends up spending the night. The next morning Chris feels hurt and becomes angry because of the violation of personal values, regretting that they hadn't gotten to know each other better first. Over the next few days Chris withdraws from Pat and then ends the relationship, leaving Pat confused. You are on a student conduct board. Chris has accused Pat of sexual misconduct and shared with you the above information. Pat's perception is that they were being delightfully romantic and that there was mutual consent. Pat is devastated and confused by the charge. Using the communications map and the state law from page 6 of the Sexual Violence and Privacy Violations booklet respond to the questions on page 7 of your workbook. Exercise #8: Case Study - Jennifer and Paul Jennifer is a 26 year old Teaching Assistant in the Computer Department. Paul is a 22 year old student majoring in computers as well as a student employee in the department. Jennifer is attracted to Paul and often flirts openly with him. Paul finds Jennifer attractive but feels uncomfortable engaging in a non-professional relationship. He knows that he might be taking a class that Jennifer teaching next quarter. One day Jennifer asks Paul if he would like to go out dinner and a movie. Paul hesitates saying, "Let me think about it." Jennifer is undaunted and the next day asks Paul if he has made up his mind. Paul says he doesn't think it would be a good idea because they work together and because of the class he is planning to take next semester that no one besides Jennifer will be teaching. Jennifer brushes away his concern saying, "It's only dinner and a movie." Paul is still hesitant but Jennifer cajoles him a bit more until he reluctantly agrees. On Friday they go out to dinner and a movie. Jennifer becomes much more romantic than Paul feels comfortable with. Paul dreads going to work on Monday. In your workbook turn to page 8 to the section headed "Case Study - Jennifer and Paul" and respond to the questions. Please refer to the Definition of Sexual Harassment on page 13 of your Sexual Violence and Privacy Violations booklet and the commentary on sexual harassment that follows below. Sexual Harassment Laws: Federal Civil Rights Act of 1964 – Title VII; Education Amendments of 1972 – Title IX; Minnesota Statues Section 363 – Human Rights Statute Sexual harassment comes under the jurisdiction of anti-discrimination laws which address behaviors that interfere with our basic human rights to a job and/or an education. When these rights are prevented for individuals of a targeted group such as women or men or because of race, religion, marital status, disability, age or sexual preference then it is discrimination. When that which prevents accessing work or learning, is a behavior that is derogatory and offensive to a person of a specific group, to such a degree that it pollutes the work environment or the educational environment creating an untenable situation, it is discrimination. To reach the level of sexual harassment, a behavior must meet certain criteria. It must be sexual or gender in nature and it must be unwelcome or unwanted. It must be offensive. The Merriam Webster Dictionary, 1974, defines offensive as “aggressive, obnoxious, insulting”. The act must be something that would be considered offensive to a ‘reasonable person’. It must be pervasive. This means that if it is less offensive – a rude sexual joke for instance – it may have to happen more than once or twice to be considered harassment. If it is a more serious offense such as a threat of negative consequences for non-compliance to a sexual request, it may only have to occur only once to create a hostile working environment and be considered sexual harassment. When a behavior is less serious, such as an unwelcome sexual comment in the work or learning environment, there is more responsibility placed on the person who finds it offensive to speak to the offending person making it clear that the behavior is offensive to him or her. If the offending person is someone who has decision-making authority over the person who is offended, this responsibility is somewhat less. If the behavior is more offensive, the responsibility is placed on the person to know that such behavior is offensive. In instances of Quid Pro Quo – a request for sexual favors in exchange for a job or a promotion or a grade – the offended person has little responsibility to inform the person that their behavior is offensive since the person should know that battering for sexual favors in a work or learning environment is always considered harassment when it is unwelcome. When the initiator of such behavior has authority over the other person, consent is frequently not considered valid in the eyes of the law. A person may not say that the behavior is unwelcome, they may acquiesce because of fear of retaliation. They may file a complaint without ever telling the person that the actions were unwelcome. A range of behaviors potentially considered to be sexual harassment if they are unwelcome, unwanted, targeting a specific gender, sexual in nature, offensive and/or pervasive include but are not limited to: sexual jokes, sexual remarks, derogatory comments about one gender, the offer of a positive reward in exchange for sexual favors, the threat of negative consequences for non-compliance with requests for Most harassment (70%) will stop if the person who is offended tells the offending person clearly, firmly and respectfully that their behavior is offensive. A clear message is the best first step if the person feels safe in speaking up and does not fear retaliation. If there is likely to be retaliation, the next best step is to talk to someone else who can intervene and prevent retaliation. Retaliation against someone who asks that offensive behaviors stop or who reports harassment is also illegal behavior. Prevention Review Despite all of the laws and policies that are put into place, we know that a few people will continue to violate the privacy of others in very injurious ways such as physical assault, sexual assault, harassment, stalking or robbery. Most people who do this form a plan or have a strategy that they follow to carry out their intentions. People with these deliberate intentions will usually look for an easy target. People who portray some or all of the following characteristics make easier targets and are most at risk. * Submissive: goes along with the decisions of others without asserting self * Unsure of themselves: hesitant, doubts self easily and quickly * Passive: doesn’t participate in decisions, is more comfortable when others take charge * Anxious to please: fear the rejection of others, will go to great lengths not to displease * Easily intimidated: frightens easily * Convinced that they could not fight back, Not likely to resist * Portray an attitude of weakness, nervousness or fear: looks like an easy target Factors that typically increase our sense of vulnerability and lead to a higher risk of victimization include: * Victims of childhood sexual assault * Use of alcohol and other drugs * New social situations * Depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness Because attackers look for easy targets and have a plan, you can reduce your risk by interfering with the plan. The following points increase your safety: * Stay aware of your surroundings * Assertive, clear and direct communication * A willingness to risk a relationship to keep clear and respectful boundaries * Be willing to make a scene – this disrupts the plan and makes the person visible, something that they probably don’t want. We even hear of children who have gotten away because they made a very loud fuss when a stranger tried to pick them up. * Running away * Physical force – taking self-defense classes and learning to trust your own strength * Confidence – statistics show that female athletes are attacked significantly less often than non-athletes because of how they carry themselves and their knowledge of their bodies * When entering into a higher risk situation such as a dark place or a new social situation, play what if games in your head and make plans in advance if something should go wrong * Always have cab fare or phone change * Stay sober – especially in new situations As you have gone through this process today, you have looked at the degree of seriousness of various violations, the impact, communication, social roles and laws. Research has shown that most of the acts of violence that students experience on a college campus are the acts of other students. You can play a significant role in creating the kind of campus climate that you want. Your choices make all the difference. Prevention: Civility and Community The creation of a sense of community with traditions and norms that foster respect and civility is one of the greatest deterrents to violations of privacy. Some features of a civil community involve behavior that is simultaneously conscious of one’s self, others and the community. Our individual choices impact at all levels. Such a community fosters recognition of diversity and the value of all contributions, working to maintain the rights of every individual in conjunction with the good of the community. Discrimination, harassment and violence are not tolerated because of how seriously they limit choices, destroy individual value and hinder organizational effectiveness. They are all antithetical to the mission of the University. Such a community also fosters the peaceful and creative resolution of conflict, which is inevitable in all communities and relationships. Bemidji State University seeks to foster a safer and more civil campus environment. You are an important piece of that process. Your choices “Make a Difference.” Exercise #8: Prevention In your workbook on page 10, please respond to the questions on how each of us as individuals can participate in creating a safer, more civil, and more caring campus. Campus Resources are listed on pages 25 and 26 of your Sexual Violence and Privacy Violations booklet. Reports of crime need to go to the Department of Security and Safety or County Law Enforcement. All employees who become aware of crime or allegations of crime are responsible to report to Security – Lower Walnut. Incidents of allegations of sexual, racial and similar forms of harassment and discrimination need to go to the Office of Affirmative Action – Deputy 307. All employees in a supervisory position who become aware of incidents or allegations of discrimination or harassment are required to report to Affirmative Action.
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